my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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