they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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