Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
