woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
