She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
