I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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