someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
