I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
