Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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