So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's shark week go big or go home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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