She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
