the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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