I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
