they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
