i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
