He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
