why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
