You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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