i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
