Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
