fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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