I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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