You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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