yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
