So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
