i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm always down for nudity.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
