dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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