Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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