I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
