Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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