so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
and eventually we just all took our pants off
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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