i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
