Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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