You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
