So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize