The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
