wrigley field is MILF paradise
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize