Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hippo gnu deer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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