Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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