You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
