Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The adults are the big ones right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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