So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
