I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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