I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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