how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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