While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
