Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
