Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Barsexuality is the new black.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize