I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
