A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
