Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
