I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
