She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
