and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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