so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
