His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
we're so committed to being not committed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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