She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
