you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize