I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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