I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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