just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
