Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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