Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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