I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
