John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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