People with herpes should wear stickers.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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