One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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