Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
