i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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