Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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